Well the Christmas holidays are officially over for me, as I dropped my daughter off at the airport in Grand Rapids for her return to Los Angeles. She will now complete her final semester at Biola. Seems strange that it was over five years ago that she first went to Biola. Today's parting of the ways though was especially emotional for me. I remember when I was younger, having to say good bye was so hard on me and now it seems I have returned to that emotional state as I have gotten old! I remember my Grandma and how emotional she was when anyone would go away for an extended period of time. Have I turned into Grandma Gilmore!? I wonder why am I balling my eyes out as I return to the truck and the two hour drive home. It was a wonderful holidays with all five (minus 1)of my children being here, and all together at different times over the last few weeks. I miss my children and to have them hanging out in their old bedrooms was pretty cool! They were of course as messy, and their rooms were as dirty as the "old days"! There was alot of pressure as my wife, their stepmother wasn't quite so sentimental about the mess. I wonder if this too is one of the consequences of divorce. I was regularly put in the middle to make sure the kids picked up after themselves. I wonder what it is like when kids who are not products of divorce and step families experience is. Do Momma and Daddy just sit around and enjoy the fact that their children are home! Or is it the same tensions of getting the kids to keep their rooms clean and pick up after themselves! Everytime the holidays are here I again sense the devastation of divorce. How it impacts our children and changes dramatically our lives. I so understand why "God hates divorce".
I guess as I reflect on why I am so emotional about each time they leave these days, I wonder if it has to do with the brevity of life. At this point I just know that every visit is so meaningful for me. It is my brief and last opportunities to try and build into their lives, to try and let them know how much I love them, and try to encourage them toward a meaningful life with Jesus. I don't know how much time I have left in this life, and certainly some of the most valuable things of this life are my children. I just really love them and want them to be okay. It probably stems somewhat from the fact that I am very self-critical of my stewardship of these gifts that God gave me. I should have done a better job parenting. I never understood before how incredibly hard it was to be a single parent. And especially with Tiffany, and Kyle, and certainly Madison who we have adopted, I won't be there for large portions of their life since I was older when they were born. I have to, as I should every thing, give them to the Father. Trust Him to take care of them. So every visit now is so valuable, and yet I worry how many more visits will I have with my kids. Pretty depressing stuff, perhaps the result of being in the third month of grey skies in Michigan!! Anyways, God thank you for my children, and may I show them your love which is perfect, every chance I can. May they forgive me for all the things I did wrong in raising them, and remember the really awesome times we had! This blog entry was actually written in December of 2012. I just realized it hadn't been published, and so I am doing so now!
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Haiti!
Been reflecting alot recently about my upcoming trip to Haiti. Recently I shared from the Word with my traveling companions to Haiti, about spiritual preparation for the trip. I need to take seriously the message God gave to me to share with them! As I think about that, it's funny how God works. Really that devotional was for me. I am the one who really needs to start preparing spiritually for this mission trip! It has really just been in the back of my mind that I'm going to Haiti in July! Now it's getting close, I believe less then 30 days! The words God gave me were from Acts 13 as the Church prepared to send Paul on his first missionary journey. They were committed to fasting and praying. What can I begin to fast from in these next 30 days. I need to consistently include the trip, and what God will desire in my time there in my prayers. I love Haiti, at least I think I do! I remember my first exposure to Haiti was the Tony Campolo commercial where a mother is desperately trying to give Tony her hungry child as he is leaving in a Helicopter. I remember being moved with compassion for that country. God has also given me a wonderful Haitian friend, and I thought that God would send me to Haiti somehow with my friend.
I'm also melancholy about Haiti. There are so many people trying to help Haiti right now, do they really need me? So much money has been spent and yet Haiti seems to be struggling more then ever. What is the answer, and does it have anything to do with me? Over 230,000 people died in the earthquake that struck Haiti. I can't even comprehend that. 80% of the population lives on less then $2 a day. Over 5,000 additonal people have died from cholera in the last 6 months. How can I help? I think this trip inspite of all that, is in large measure God working in my life more then my helping in Haiti. God calls me to love and serve the Church we will be "helping". I am called to humble myself, and in humility serve some brothers and sisters in Christ who I don't know. Even though I didn't want it to happen, living in a rural and predominantly white community, has kept me from being exposed to the world community I once so loved. I look forward to the challenges, and joys of serving on a multi racial team! Even as I listened to my brother in Christ share from the Word, I thought how unique and different his style is from what I've heard for the last 12 years of my life. I want to rejoice in that. So as I think about why God would send me to Haiti in the summer of 2011, I'm not convinced it is so much to help Haiti, as it is for Haiti to help me! I pray that as I live, work, and share with 13 other folks from all walks of life, that God blesses me, and helps me to humbly love them. I pray that our love for one another will point to Jesus, the one we desire to make famous. I pray that same prayer for the folks in Haiti who we will work beside, and serve. I do pray that we will spread the seed of the gospel in Haiti during our one week there! I know that it will be God who causes those seeds to grow, and to multiply. I pray that I can rest in this assurance, and know it is only my job to love those who cross my path during that God ordained week! So even as I experience the discomfort on my arms from the vaccinations I just got, may I be prepared to experience discomfort, and may that discomfort cause me to display the fruits of the Spirit. I love Haiti because God loves Haiti, and I'm excited to see what the people I serve in Haiti have to teach me about the love of Christ. I'm also praying for unity for a team of 14 very unique individuals, that we may grow in our love for God, and for each other, as we experience Haiti together!
I'm also melancholy about Haiti. There are so many people trying to help Haiti right now, do they really need me? So much money has been spent and yet Haiti seems to be struggling more then ever. What is the answer, and does it have anything to do with me? Over 230,000 people died in the earthquake that struck Haiti. I can't even comprehend that. 80% of the population lives on less then $2 a day. Over 5,000 additonal people have died from cholera in the last 6 months. How can I help? I think this trip inspite of all that, is in large measure God working in my life more then my helping in Haiti. God calls me to love and serve the Church we will be "helping". I am called to humble myself, and in humility serve some brothers and sisters in Christ who I don't know. Even though I didn't want it to happen, living in a rural and predominantly white community, has kept me from being exposed to the world community I once so loved. I look forward to the challenges, and joys of serving on a multi racial team! Even as I listened to my brother in Christ share from the Word, I thought how unique and different his style is from what I've heard for the last 12 years of my life. I want to rejoice in that. So as I think about why God would send me to Haiti in the summer of 2011, I'm not convinced it is so much to help Haiti, as it is for Haiti to help me! I pray that as I live, work, and share with 13 other folks from all walks of life, that God blesses me, and helps me to humbly love them. I pray that our love for one another will point to Jesus, the one we desire to make famous. I pray that same prayer for the folks in Haiti who we will work beside, and serve. I do pray that we will spread the seed of the gospel in Haiti during our one week there! I know that it will be God who causes those seeds to grow, and to multiply. I pray that I can rest in this assurance, and know it is only my job to love those who cross my path during that God ordained week! So even as I experience the discomfort on my arms from the vaccinations I just got, may I be prepared to experience discomfort, and may that discomfort cause me to display the fruits of the Spirit. I love Haiti because God loves Haiti, and I'm excited to see what the people I serve in Haiti have to teach me about the love of Christ. I'm also praying for unity for a team of 14 very unique individuals, that we may grow in our love for God, and for each other, as we experience Haiti together!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I LOVE LA
Just returned from Los Angeles to spend a few days with my daughter. It was a really great time. It wasn't perfect as we still have communication problems. She goes to a prestigious school, is 21 and thinks she knows it all! I have a hard time keeping my opinions to myself and have a tendency to want to "over manage" her life!
Anyways for the most part it was a really nice visit. I miss her tremendously. She has been in LA for almost 4 years now and this was the first summer she didn't come home. I pretty much raised her and my youngest son by myself. It was tough for all of us after their mother left, but I was so thankful I had the opportunity. Her brother graduated from high school this year and has moved out and is now going to college himself. It's really hard sometimes having invested so much of my time and passion into raising them, and then having to release them!! Well anyways the week in LA was fun. We went to a Phil Wickham concert and it was amazing. I have never been a huge fan of christian music, but this concert was really amazing for me. It was so moving to sit in a crowd of around 500 mostly young people who were worshipping the Lord. Got to attend a chapel at the university, and went to her church New City Church which was really nice. So I just need to be thankful for how's she's doing. At 21, she is far far ahead of where I was at that age. I remember dropping her off her freshman year and having communion the night I departed the campus. I received a clear message from God that night that she would be okay and I didn't need to worry, so I guess I just need to trust that and not start worrying to much now! It was alot of fun to just have dinner with her and hang out in my hotel room. God bless you girl! Daddy loves you!
Anyways for the most part it was a really nice visit. I miss her tremendously. She has been in LA for almost 4 years now and this was the first summer she didn't come home. I pretty much raised her and my youngest son by myself. It was tough for all of us after their mother left, but I was so thankful I had the opportunity. Her brother graduated from high school this year and has moved out and is now going to college himself. It's really hard sometimes having invested so much of my time and passion into raising them, and then having to release them!! Well anyways the week in LA was fun. We went to a Phil Wickham concert and it was amazing. I have never been a huge fan of christian music, but this concert was really amazing for me. It was so moving to sit in a crowd of around 500 mostly young people who were worshipping the Lord. Got to attend a chapel at the university, and went to her church New City Church which was really nice. So I just need to be thankful for how's she's doing. At 21, she is far far ahead of where I was at that age. I remember dropping her off her freshman year and having communion the night I departed the campus. I received a clear message from God that night that she would be okay and I didn't need to worry, so I guess I just need to trust that and not start worrying to much now! It was alot of fun to just have dinner with her and hang out in my hotel room. God bless you girl! Daddy loves you!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Michael Jackson and my daughter
It's been funny and concerning to watch my daughter deal with Michael Jackson's passing. My daughter is a senior at a prestigious Christian university in California. She grew up a huge MJ fan and loved listening and dancing to his music with her friends. I think when they had "mock rocks" in high school, her and her friends would do MJ stuff. My daughter is also a fairly mature believer in Christ (at least for being 20!) I called her the night I heard that MJ died and of course she had already heard. It's funny because she said I've been crying for hours!? Her and a few friends got together that night and watched MJ video's and a movie, and all cried together. She is in the LA area so her and a few friends went to MJ's spot at the hollywood walk of fame. Tonight they are at "neverland" the MJ property in Santa Barbara for some memorial service. I guess I worry a little bit by her over reaction (my opinion) to this whole MJ thing. I mean the guy didn't appear to lead a life of integrity. At best he was a strange dude, and at worst, he was much worse. He did not appear to be a believer or follower of Jesus, grew up in a cult, and supposedly converted to Islam a few years ago. So obviously I'm a bit bummed about my daughter's kind of strange obsession with his passing. She is young though, and as a Dad I don't want to be critical or "preachy" to her about this. So I leave it alone! It's all very bizarre behavior, and not just for my daughter though. In the midst of some of the greatest problems we will ever face as a nation......the economy, Iran's crushing of it's own people, Iraq, Afghanistan etc. etc., all we here about is Michael Jackson. Is that even "news" I heard a figure that 60% of the new coverage for the day of, and the rest of the week of MJ's death was about MJ. That's prime time news coverage and that doesn't include all the hour and two hour specials about his life. What is this bizzare fascination we seem to have with celebrities? We are a nation that is far more concerned with an individuals death, who has been accused of child molestation, who changed his skin color, struggled with drug addiction, etc. etc.s then the extremely important challenges that our nation is facing right now. It makes you wonder, is there really any hope for the United States. Are we like the many empire's of the past who fell because they became so bizzare sexually, they focused only on themselves and their own comfort that their empire crumbled around them. So anyways enough of my soapbox. I'll pray for MJ's family, and the children he adopted who were conceived by his Doctor and the Doctor's nurse, and lets also pray for all those who seemed to worship MJ as some kind of hero. You see we have a real hero. We have Jesus, and if we understood at all what he's done for us, any hero worship of humans would immedietly cease. So maybe this is a conversation starter, to talk about what really is important and about who really has done something for us. My confidence in this nation has long since past. I do pray for this nation that my children and grandchildren will live in, but I also know that we are merely strangers, and sojourners in this land. My citizenship is in God's kingdom, and I am an alien here.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Questions
Had breakfast with a guy who used to mentor me yesterday. He was certainly one of the most Godly men I have ever met, and was a great influence, and a great friend to me. As I was thinking about it afterward I realized it had been 17 years since I had lived in Lansing. I've seen him a few times since but maybe once in the last 12 years. Shame on me. I have been praying for him over the years and wanted to call him but I am just not good at that stuff (no excuse). Our breakfast was a little disturbing to me. He seemed to really downplay the role of being in a local church. One good thing I guess, is it forced me to really do some research on the importance of the local church, so I have some biblical insight into the importance of being attached to a local congregation. The church he told me he attends sounded pretty weird, and it didn't sound like he really did anything there. This is one of the most gifted men I know, and if he's not sharing his gifts in a local congregation, that scares me. I also worry about accountability in his life. He said he continued to meet weekly with his old Navigator staff leader. (he used to be on navstaff).
When I asked him where Bob was going to Church he didn't know. He's known Bob for at least
25 years, how would he not know? One of he guys who he has now invested his life in for about 18 years he says is now a believer, but he does not go to Church?? I love my brother so much but I am really afraid he has gone off course, and it grieves me deeply. He talked about how happy is as he is forming a team to sell something called Mona Vie. It's odd how someone who was so on fire for the Lord, someone I believed had this amazing close relationship with the Lord, seems so off course. I don't want to make to many assumptions as I only spent about an hour and a half with him. He always had such a godly witness and was such a servant. Well I want to think about this one some more. I want to call one of his friends and try to see how he's doing, but just don't know if its my business? Well I do know that I can pray for him. I can stay in better contact in the future as this was a guy God really used in my life. I can also continue to
pray I Peter 5:8-9 and be on the alert and pray I don't get off course. I also need to examine and test myself to ensure I'm not the guy off course. Well more to follow as I continue to pray about and for my friend.
When I asked him where Bob was going to Church he didn't know. He's known Bob for at least
25 years, how would he not know? One of he guys who he has now invested his life in for about 18 years he says is now a believer, but he does not go to Church?? I love my brother so much but I am really afraid he has gone off course, and it grieves me deeply. He talked about how happy is as he is forming a team to sell something called Mona Vie. It's odd how someone who was so on fire for the Lord, someone I believed had this amazing close relationship with the Lord, seems so off course. I don't want to make to many assumptions as I only spent about an hour and a half with him. He always had such a godly witness and was such a servant. Well I want to think about this one some more. I want to call one of his friends and try to see how he's doing, but just don't know if its my business? Well I do know that I can pray for him. I can stay in better contact in the future as this was a guy God really used in my life. I can also continue to
pray I Peter 5:8-9 and be on the alert and pray I don't get off course. I also need to examine and test myself to ensure I'm not the guy off course. Well more to follow as I continue to pray about and for my friend.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Discipline, Discipline, wherefore art thou!
Well I'm not quite the blogger I thought I might be. It's funny how one pictures ones self. I thought I would really enjoy putting my thoughts to paper (not quite!), but then never really have time to do it. I am often discouraged by my lack of discipline in various areas of my life. I love the word of God, and love doing morning devotions, but so often I'll be skipping along in life and realize its been a week or more since I've sat down with the Lord and spent time with Him.
I don't understand how that happens. Even in excersise which is important, but not nearly as important as my relationship with the Lord, I lack discipline. I can go two years of working out and getting in good shape and then I'll miss a week, and the next thing I know, I've missed six months, and I'm out of shape. As you get my age, thats just not a good thing. Even things like dating my wife, and focusing on her, I'll do good for awhile, and then I'm back sadly to what has become normal. I've committed to dating my wife at least twice a month, and I'd be to embarrased to tell you how many times that has happened. In I Cor 9:24-27 Paul tells us how
to run the race, how he disciplines his body. I get so frustrated sometimes by my lack of discipline. I guess my attitude is that I must keep trying, even after failure after failure. I must not give up. I just wish I could develop a habit of discipline.
I don't understand how that happens. Even in excersise which is important, but not nearly as important as my relationship with the Lord, I lack discipline. I can go two years of working out and getting in good shape and then I'll miss a week, and the next thing I know, I've missed six months, and I'm out of shape. As you get my age, thats just not a good thing. Even things like dating my wife, and focusing on her, I'll do good for awhile, and then I'm back sadly to what has become normal. I've committed to dating my wife at least twice a month, and I'd be to embarrased to tell you how many times that has happened. In I Cor 9:24-27 Paul tells us how
to run the race, how he disciplines his body. I get so frustrated sometimes by my lack of discipline. I guess my attitude is that I must keep trying, even after failure after failure. I must not give up. I just wish I could develop a habit of discipline.
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